Always
by anonwriter64
Summary: Minerva McGonagall tries to figure out the reasons behind Snape's behavior - Written for Round 7 of the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition.


Chaser 3: Department of Mysteries: Write about someone trying to solve something, figure something out, or understand something

Prompts:

#5: (setting) Knockturn Alley

#7: (word) enlighten

#15: (emotion) hopeful

September 8th, 1991

A lone figure sat in the Bronze Boar tavern in Knockturn Alley, twitching his fingers together. It almost seemed to be a nervous gesture despite the lack of movement in the bar.

The man looked back and forth uneasily despite the emptiness of the bar around him. He seemed to almost be expecting someone to come.

This man had shoulder-length black hair that could easily be described as greasy and dark onyx eyes to match. His skin was pasty and pale. He looked like a man who was not easily shaken, but here he was with red eyes, looking like he had just cried or was on the verge of crying.

The door of the bar opened and a bell rang to mark her entrance. The man quickly sat up from his position.

The woman looked stern and had a no-nonsense look on her face. With black long hair tied tightly into a bun, her older features seemed to be carved like stone. She walked straight up to the bar and sat directly beside the man.

"Minerva," the man spoke coldly, without ever looking over to see her.

"Severus," she responded with equal bitterness. "You have to stop this."

He took a deep breath, almost in trepidation. "Stop what?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about," She said sternly, her teacher persona taking over as she turned to her former student.

"Please elaborate for my sake," He spoke, sarcasm dripping from his every word. "I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about."

Minerva shot a glare at him. "Perhaps it's about the fact that you're treating an eleven-year-old child terribly because of the actions of his father?"

Closing his eyes deeply, Severus took a deep breath. "It's not because of the actions of his father, Minerva."

"Then what is it?"

Severus was showing more emotion than Minerva had seen him show since his early years at Hogwarts. He was visibly upset and it was clear that he had been crying. His fingers were massaging his temples - a clear sign of stress. But there was no answer from the other Professor.

"Then _what is it,_ Severus? I would like to do my best to help but I can't help unless you tell me what's going on," She stressed her words, trying to show how important this was to her.

He ran his fingers through his own hair. "That's just it, Minerva - you wouldn't understand. You wouldn't get it."

She pursed her lips. "Enlighten me, Severus. Please."

The black-robed man stood up abruptly, pulling a few coins out and placing them on the bar. He walked out.

Minerva watched in shock as he acted as if she hadn't been there the whole time. A moment after he exited, she got over her shock and ran out to follow him.

Knockturn Alley was completely empty, considering it was almost 11 at night. Everyone was either in taverns or in their homes. It was easy for Minerva to spot Severus.

She had to enter a light jog to catch up with him, and by the time she had, he had entered a small alley-way.

He was panting heavily but not because of the physical effort. Because of the emotional strain.

"Severus," Minerva said gently, coming towards him with one hand out. He didn't acknowledge her words. "Severus," She repeated.

"What, Minerva?!" He shouted, causing the woman to step back. "What is making you care so much? Why are you here?"

Minerva blinked in shock, staring at her former student. "I'm here, Severus, because I care about you. I know very few have ever cared about you in your life and you might not know what that feels like, but I'm here now. And I need you to tell me what's wrong so I can understand, and so that I can help."

The potions master was breathing quickly, as if he was having the beginnings of a panic attack. "I- I can't tell you, Minerva. I'm sorry, but I can't."

"Yes, you can!" She shouted. "There is no reason why you can't tell me what is happening. If you told me that 11 years ago, I would have believed you, but now you're free. You can speak freely and you're going to! Tell me what's happening!"

Originally, Minerva had come to simply try and get him to tell her what was happening - but now she knew something more interesting was happening and she needed to know.

"I can't," He whispered desperately, looking like he was in physical pain.

"You can, Severus," She spoke sadly, "And if you trust me, you will."

Silence hung over the two of them for a few moments, eerie background noises reminded both of them that they were in Knockturn Alley.

"I- I was- No, I _am_ \- I am in love with Lily."

Minerva gasped quietly. Of all the things, she could have never seen _this_ coming. She had thought that it had been bad memories of when he and James had been in school together or jealousy about how perfect Harry's childhood must have been compared to his own. She never could have imagined _this_. "What?"

"I loved her!" He exclaimed, almost hysterically. "I loved her, and I always have. From the moment I met her I knew there was something different, something special. Something about that feeling I would get when she laughed. Something about the awful sensation when I saw her talking or laughing with James Potter. _Kissing_ James Potter." He sneered at the mere thought, but his face quickly returned to a mournful state. "I loved her, and I wasn't able to realise it until she was already gone."

Tears were running down his face. Minerva stood, unmoving as her mouth hung wide open in shock. "Severus?"

He looked up, wiping his tears away quickly as he looked at the woman across from him. "After all this time, you still love her?"

"Always, Minerva," He stated unwaveringly, holding eye contact. "Always."

That was all that needed to be said.

Minerva turned on her heel and left Knockturn Alley.

Severus followed a few minutes later after wiping away the tears and calming himself down.

The two never spoke of that night again and the topic was left untouched until the second of May in 1998.

The night of the end of Severus Snape.


End file.
